Nearly a week in Madrid and I am on the plane back to Chicago to pick up my visa. It didn’t get approved before we needed to leave so I went to Madrid as a “tourist” and waited for the phone call from the Chicago consulate which would take me out of the netherworld and make clear the direction of our next few years. While we have been headed towards living in Madrid for some months (actually close to half a year), I have continued to keep my guard up and to prepare for what we fully expected would come – rejection of our family’s legal legitimacy. But the world is changing...finally.
I visited Madrid for the first time a decade ago as the first leg in my version of the classic college summer trip. I was newly out of the closet and reexamining my world view. I’d spent every summer during high school and college close to home at a job, educational opportunity, or volunteer role. I knew it was time to get away and spend some time figuring out just who I was. I, like most newly-out gay people I know, had a new zest for life – the love and happiness that comes from clearing your chest and being accepted by those who love you without hesitation. It truly was the most invigorating year of my life. Eventually, I returned to earth and realized that I didn’t have special super hero powers.
Why I chose Madrid as my destination really was a mystery to me at the time and now. I had some high school Spanish so I think I thought I could go there and get by. But if I’d really done my homework I think I would have found that most people with high school Spanish can do little more than read the random street sign – they are not equipped for immediate plane departure conversations with natives. Whatever it was, when I landed in Spain, looking back, I think I lost my mind a bit. Perhaps it was being on my own, perhaps the foreign country – whatever it was, I was loco. I proceeded to hold up in my Madrid hotel room (a single – no hostel there) for two days, eating primarily trail mix that I’d brought from the U.S. I took my entire time in Madrid to try to sleep and to curl up in a ball on my hotel bed and try not to freak out. I didn’t go enjoy pinchos (little tapas like meals). I don’t remember going to see any sights. I remember walking down a couple of streets and attempting to buy some food from a local vendor and getting completely freaked out. It was such a sad visit. (Note to reader: my summer improved dramatically following my next city in the trip – Paris – where I hit bottom and seemed to come out of whatever stupor I was in.)
So I am really glad after one week I didn’t let my one previous Madrid trip color my consideration of our family’s move. I have found Madrid to be quite delightful, if a bit empty with August vacationers exiting the city. We have constantly explored in our attempt to see different neighborhoods and consider the big decisions which need to make in the next few weeks. I am really excited for the next few years and the opportunity to live in Madrid. Perhaps I’ve matured a lot or perhaps I am more open to things now than I was when first a visitor, but it somehow now all seems destiny. Things come together in the craziest combinations when we look for opportunities instead of roadblocks.
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